Tuesday, May 07, 2002

When to stop watering a dead plant

There is this plant. It sits outside all year round taking in the luxuries of the Arizona sun. It died last winter. For good measure my roommate’s dog ripped it from its abode and I found it lying naked, roots exposed, lifeless. I still water this plant. Part of me believes it will resurrect itself. This is why I still water the dead stick. That is all it is – a dead stick, no leaves and no buds. Shanna gave me this plant many years ago for a birthday. It has sentimental value.

If by some miracle this plant were to blossom again, if just one leaf were to sprout from its withered fingers, I believe that this would be my signal for me to accept Shanna’s death. She died six months before I started working at the rec center. During those six months I lost sixty pounds. I ran and ran for those six months needing something to do. Part of me is still running. I don't know when I am supposed to stop watering.

Monday, May 06, 2002

A poisonous toad lives in my belly

There is a poisonous toad that lives in my belly. He likes to remind me that he is a poisonous toad that lives in my belly by passing thru my bowels fortune cookie fortunes (without the cookies) that read, "I am a poisonous toad and I live in your belly. Your lucky numbers today are: 27, 19, 20, 9"

I hate this toad. I wish he would go away. Perhaps he is the reason behind my need to water dead plants. I will explain another time.

Sunday, May 05, 2002

Who is Joseph?

A total stranger has made a comment on my page. Freaking cool!! Ryan made the first comment here. It seems I am starting to get some regulars browsing around here. I am not sure if I should be thrilled or embarrassed.

Just got off of work at the rec center. I like talking to Michelle at the front desk. She makes the shift fly by. Sunday mornings are great to work. Walking around as security I got a chance to talk to everyone. The lifeguards talk about the heat, the sun, tanning, donuts. The weight room talk about girls. The pro shop talk about concerts and rock bands. Wildkids (daycare) talk about alcohol and parties while taking care of the little tots. Then Michelle and I talk about everything and anything. I love sunday mornings. Got invited to a Cinco de Mayo party on Treat Street.

Saturday, May 04, 2002

Dream commentary

In many of the dreams that I feel content and happy are those that I receive a hug. Not the ordinary friendly hugs, family hugs, or the type that people engage in during celebratory occasions, but the type that I may find release from my tensions and trappings. The hug, there must be some more suitable utterance than this monosyllable three letter variety. To press tightly about the arms and neck, to squeeze so hard that one may feel its presence long after the act. This word and act is pregnant with my salvation and the giver my savior.

I remember my little Shanna bird. In her hugs I felt love, I felt loved. She would scamper towards me with love in her eyes and wrap her arms so tight about my neck that it was physically impossible for our hearts to be any closer though they melted thru our skins and into each other. She lingers there still. I miss that little bird.

In a liquid prison

I had a dream last night. I was trapped in my grade school by a swarm of black locusts. While they slept in one classroom I could walk about the school without upsetting them, but if I were to cross the street a proximity alarm would sound and the swarm would become riled up and transform into this black muck - almost like a black oil-like liquid. They would chase me and envelop me in their liquid prison and I too would become a part of their collective black mire. Once I was trapped they would travel back to the school and I would become my regular self and the swarm would go back to sleep.

I cannot recall how but one time I tried running away and crossed the street without the proximity alarm going off. I ran into this strange diner where on one side of the establishment there were your regular diners sitting at their tables eating their meals and on the other side of the diner was the register and behind the counter was a showcase of rifles for sale. The gun store/diner employee that manned the register was awfully crazy and temperamental. For some reason I got my jollies off of making fun of him, but instead of harming me he took one of his rifles and shot a patron in the head who was sitting at a table eating his meal.

I walked out after this encounter with this girl who was very pretty with short curly brown hair. She gave me a big hug outside of the store. She was with some other guy and at this point I noticed that all three of us were filthy, dirty, and disheveled. It would seem that the three of us were transients. As she gave me a hug she whispered in my ear that she was pregnant and I could feel that she indeed had a slight paunch in her belly. We walked off towards a movie theatre and tried sneaking our way in by this secret underground passage known by the third transient male. All that I can remember is that I was content.

Friday, May 03, 2002

I am first (runner-up)

If there were a contest that awarded people based on their performance of the righteous and modest act of allowing others to barely outperform them on a consistent basis - in other words a prize for people who are no stranger to always being the runner-up in any contest they compete in - I would most definitely receive the prize for first runner-up.

I played in a marathon six and a half hour wiffleball tournament held yesterday at the old Bear Down Gym on campus. My team came in second place. We definitely had the most power, hitting homerun after homerun throughout the tournament, but we came up short against the powerful pitching of the championship team.

I am definitely no stranger to second place. I remember a long time ago I almost came in first place. My grade school had a chess tournament every trimester. I came in second place the previous two tournaments to the invincible Mendel. In casual play Mendel and I would be even, winning and losing the same amount, but in the tournament I would lose to him in the championship game. The last tournament I played in I faced Mendel in the semifinals and won. In the championship I played a rising prodigy named David and summarily defeated him very easily. So stunning was my showcase of tactics, David folded quickly and accepted forfeit. My on-looking teacher claimed my victory was too easy and that David can't possibly forfeit with so many pieces left on the board. She quickly called on Mendel who was lost in chess thought in a dark corner of the classroom ruminating on my victory over him and planning his revenge. He looked up from his chess board and was told by my teacher that he would play me for the championship. Of course I lost.

The closest I ever felt like being on top was the one little-league baseball game that my dad showed up to. My team was in second place and we were playing the first place team in the division. I had the best game ever, posting an at-bat record of 6 for 6. Every time I came up to bat the bases were loaded and I would quickly empty them attaining somewhere between 12-15 runs batted in. I was acclaimed a hero by my teamates and the vast crowd that had formed to watch the showdown between the two top teams. My team ended up second place to the same team by the end of the season.

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

I can read minds

I had this dream two nights ago where I could read people's minds. I was confined to some compound with all these other kids varying in age. I could only read the minds of a select few - the phonies, people who say and do one thing but mean another. In this dream these phonies wanted to do me harm by trying to set me up. The leaders in charge of this camp saw me as a threat somehow by my direct attitude, no phony am I, and of course were jealous of my dashing good looks. One incident was when this girl who was in cahoots with these leaders tried to volunteer me to be in charge of this concession stand where it would be arranged that I would be blamed for theft of the concession stands profits. She could not fool me because I read her mind and told her to blow off. Another incident was when the leaders tried to set me up and blame me for sabotaging this room of refrigerators where we kept our food supply. Of course, I could read their minds and outsmarted them by not showing up when they were expecting me. Finally, they stopped their deceiving ways of trying to set me up and in more direct fashion unleashed their dog on me who ripped me to shreds.